Definitions of Humor

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The Nite After Christmas

Shared by Dave Feltey

Twas the night after Christmas, and boy what a house!
I felt like the devil, and so did the spouse.
The eggnog and turkey and candy were swell,
But ten hours later they sure gave me hell!

The stockings weren't hung by the chimney with care -
The damned things were sprawled on the back of my chair!
The children were nestled, all snug in their bed,
And I had a large cake of ice on my head!

When at last I dozed off, taking a nap,
The ice woke me up when it fell in my lap.
Then for some unknown reason I wanted a drink,
So I started feeling my way to the sink.

I got along fine til I stepped on the cat,
I don't recall just what occurred after that.
When I came to, the house flooded with light,
And under the table I was high as a kite.

While visions of sugar plums danced in my head,
I somehow got up and then back to bed.
Then what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer.

The the sleigh seemed to change to a red firetruck,
And each reindeer turned into a bleary eyed buck;
I knew in a moment, it must be Old Nick -
I tried to cry out, but my tongue was too thick.

Then the old devil whistled and shouted with glee,
While each buck pawed the earth, starring daggers at me.
Then he called them by name, and the names made me shutter,
When I heard them I felt like a ship, minus rudder.

Now Eggnog! Bacardi! Four Roses! and Brandy!
Now Fruitcake! Cold Turkey! Gin Rickey! and Candy!
To the top of his dome, to the top of his skull,
Now whack away, crack away, with thumps that are dull!

Then in a twinkling I felt on my roof,
The prancing and pawing of each cloven hoof.
How long it went on, I'm sure I can't say,
Tho' it seemed an eternity, plus one very long day.

But finally the night after Christmas had passed,
And I found that I could really think straight at last.
So I thought of the New Year a few days away,
And I've made me a vow that no tempter can sway.

I'm sticking to water, don't even want ice.
For there's nothing as tasty and nothing as nice.
The night after New Year's may bother some guys,
But I've learned my lesson, and brother I'm wise.

You can have your rich victuals, and liquor that's red,
But what goes to my stomach, won't go to my head.
So a big Happy New Year to you and to all;
I'm back on the wagon, and I hope I don't fall.

Humor Matters™

Steven M. Sultanoff, Ph.D.
Mirthologist and Clinical Psychologist
3972 Barranca Pkwy. Suite J-221
Irvine, CA 92606