HumorMatterstm

Hanukkah Jokes

The Story of Hanukkah

Stan and John are walking to school one day and Stan is describing  his new Playstation 2 to John. "Where did you get that?" John asked "I got it last night for Hanukkah," said Stan. "What's Hanukkah?" John asked.

"It's the Jewish holiday where we get presents every night for eight nights to celebrate the festival of lights."

"Wow, I wish we got that!" John exclaimed. The next day on the way to school John runs up to Stan, curious to see what he got. He sees that Stan is upset, "What's wrong? Where's your present from last night?" asks John.

Stan holds up a ball of crumpled wrapping paper, "It was leftovers night."

The Presents

My mother once gave me two sweaters for Hanukkah. The next time we visited, I made sure to wear one. As we entered her home, instead of the expected smile, she said, "What's the matter? You didn't, like the other one?"



Hanukkah at the Deli

During the first day of Hanukkah, two elderly Jewish men were sitting in a wonderful deli frequented almost exclusively by Jews in New York City. They were talking amongst themselves in Yiddish - the colorful language of Jews who came over from Eastern Europe

A Chinese waiter, only one year in New York, came up and in fluent impeccable Yiddish asked them if everything was okay and if they were enjoying the holiday.

The Jewish men were dumbfounded. “Where did he ever learn such perfect Yiddish?” they both thought. After they paid the bill they asked the restaurant manager, an old friend of theirs, “Where did our waiter learn such fabulous Yiddish?”

The manager looked around and leaned in so no one else will hear and said... “Shhhh. He thinks we're teaching him English.”



Hanukah Groaner
Shared by my friend Jan

It was Hanukkah and the tiny village was in fear of not having any     latkes because they had run out of flour.
   
    Rudi, the rabbi, was called upon to help solve the problem.
   
    He  said, "don't worry, you can substitute matzo meal for the flour and the latkes will be just as delicious!"
   
    Sheila looks to her husband  and says, "Mortey...you think it'll     work?" and Mortey says,
   
    "of course!    Everybody knows.........................
   
    Rudolph, the Rab, knows grain dear!"