A Plea for Help!
Support Striking Ball Players
Since September 11, 2001, Americans have come together as
never before in our generation. We have banded together to overcome tremendous
adversity. We have weathered direct attacks on our own soil, wars overseas,
corporate scandal, layoffs, unemployment, stock price plunges, droughts, fires,
and myriad economic and physical disasters both great and small.
And now, we must come together once again to overcome our greatest challenge
yet. Hundreds of Major League Baseball players in our very own nation are living
at, or just below, the seven-figure salary level. And as if that weren't bad
enough, they could be deprived of their life-giving pay for several months,
possibly longer, as a result of the upcoming strike situation. But you can help!
For only $20,835 a month, about $694.50 a day (far less than the cost of a
large-screen projection TV), you can help a MLB player remain economically
viable during his time of need. This contribution by no means solves the problem
as it barely covers the annual minimum salary, but it's a start, and every
little bit will help!
Although $700 may not seem like a lot of money to you, to a
baseball player it could mean the difference between spending the strike golfing
in Florida or on a Mediterranean cruise. For you, seven hundred dollars is
nothing more than a month's rent, half a mortgage payment, two unemployment
checks, or a month of medical insurance with COBRA; but to a baseball player,
$700 will partially replace his daily salary. Your commitment of less than $700
a day will enable a player to buy that home entertainment center, trade in the
year-old Lexus for a new Ferrari, or enjoy a weekend in Rio.
HOW WILL I KNOW I'M HELPING?
Each month, you will receive a complete financial report on the player you
sponsor. Detailed information about his stocks, bonds, 401(k), real estate, and
other investment holdings will be mailed to your home. Plus, upon signing up for
this program, you will receive an unsigned photo of the player lounging during
the strike on a beach somewhere in the Caribbean (for a signed photo, please
include an additional $1,500). Put the photo on your refrigerator to remind you
of other people's suffering.
HOW WILL HE KNOW I'M HELPING?
Your MLB player will be told that he has a SPECIAL FRIEND who just wants to help
in a time of need. Although the player won't know your name, he will be able to
make collect calls to your home via a special operator in case additional funds
are needed for unforeseen expenses.
YES, I WANT TO HELP!
I would like to sponsor a striking MLB player. My preference is checked below:
[ ] Infielder [ ] Outfielder [ ] Starting Pitcher [ ] Ace Pitcher [ ] Entire
team
[ ] Alex Rodriguez (Higher cost: $60,000 per day)
Please call our 900 number to ask for the cost of a specific team - $10 per
minute.
Please charge the account listed below $694.50 per day for the player for the
duration of the strike. Please send me a picture of the player I have sponsored,
along with an Alex Rodriguez 2001 Income Statement and my very own Donald Fehr
MLB Players Union pin to wear proudly on my hat. (Include $800 for hat.)
Your Name: _______________________
Telephone Number: ____________________
Account Number: _____________________ Exp.Date:_______
[ ] MasterCard [ ] Visa [ ] American Express [ ] Discover
Signature: _______________________
Alternate card (when the primary card exceeds its credit limit):
Account Number: _____________________Exp.Date:_______
[ ] MasterCard [ ] Visa [ ] American Express [ ] Discover
Signature: _______________________
Mail completed form to MLB Players Union now.
To enroll by phone, call 900-555-BALL ($10 per minute).
Disclaimer: Sponsors are not permitted to contact the player they have
sponsored, either in person or by other means, including, but not limited to,
telephone calls, letters, e-mail, or third parties. Contributions are not
tax-deductible.
I apologize for not knowing the original source on this one. It was shared by Ellie, one of my humor colleagues.
Humor Matters™
