HumorMatterstm
Thanksgiving
Black November
(A Turkey's Lament)
Thanksgiving Top 10
That Sound Dirty But Aren't
True Stories From The Butterball
Turkey Hotline,
where people call to get advice
how to cook a Turkey from the experts
* Thanksgiving Dinner on the run. A woman called 1-800-323-4848 to
find out how long it would take to roast her turkey. To answer
the question, the Talk-Line home economist asked how much the
bird weighed. The woman responded, "I don't know, it's still
running around outside."
* Tofu turkey? No matter how you slice it, Thanksgiving just isn't
Thanksgiving without turkey. A restaurant owner in California
wanted to know how to roast a turkey for a vegetarian menu
* Then there's the time a lady was picking through the frozen
turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough
for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get
any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
The Silver Lining to the Burning Question
You Burnt the Bird?
A Dozen Reasons to Be Thankful!
-
Salmonella won't be a concern
-
No one will overeat.
-
Everyone will think it's Cajun Blackened.
-
Uninvited guests will think twice next year.
-
Your cheese broccoli lima bean casserole will gain newly found appreciation.
-
Pets won't pester you for scraps.
-
The smoke alarm was due for a test.
-
Carving the bird will provide a good cardiovascular workout.
-
After dinner, the guys can take the bird to the yard and play football.
-
The less turkey Uncle George eats, the less likely he will be to walk around with his pants unbuttoned.
-
You'll get to the desserts quicker.
-
You won't have to face three weeks of turkey sandwiches.
Source: Craig Boldman and Pete Matthews, authors of Every Excuse in the Book: 714 Ways to Say "It's Not My Fault."
Turkey Riddles
What did the mother turkey say to
her disobedient children?If your father could see you now,
he'd turn over in his gravy!
Why do Pilgrims have trouble keeping their pants up?
'Cause they wear their belts on their hats!
What is the difference between a chicken and a turkey?
Chickens celebrate Thanksgiving!!
What is the Turkey's favorite black tie celebration?
The Butter Ball
How does a Turkey drink her wine?
In a gobble-let
How many turkeys does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one but it takes 5 hours
The Turkey Popped Out of
the Oven
The Turkey popped out of the oven
and rocketed in to the air;
It knocked every plate off the table
and partly demolished a chair.
It ricocheted into a corner
and burst with a deafening boom,
Then splattered all over the kitchen,
completely obscuring the room.
It stuck to the walls and the windows,
it totally coated the floor,
There was turkey attached to the ceiling,
where there had never been turkey before..
It blanketed every appliance,
it smeared every saucer and bowl;
There wasn't a way I could stop it;
that turkey was out of control.
I scraped and I scraped with displeasure
and thought with chagrin as I mopped,
That I would never again stuff a turkey
with popcorn that hadn't been popped.
written by Jack Prelutsky
Humor Matters™
